What do we need in order to take care of ourselves? Spoiler alert: it's not what social media says you should be doing. Plus an introduction to my mini course Growing Present.
100% Ali. Love your video, I've not had time to watch it all but the 2mins I did I think you're offering a very warm welcome and invitation to everyone. As someone whose self-care was 1 hour walk-run-walk in the depths of darkest palliative to end of life care, I can personally attest to the fact that I needed to listen to my whole body, engage in movement even if when my brain didn't want to and eventually my brain craved it too.
I won't be subscribing to your offering due to time & current budget constraints (I'm already over my quota) ;-) But I'm cheering you on. May I ask for a small video for free subscribers now and again? You've a very calming presence, Ali! Best wishes
I really appreciate you cheering me on Victoria ☺️ And glad to hear that my video was warm and inviting. That's certainly the energy I hope to bring. I find it easier to put myself 'out there' on audio, but do feel encouraged to try more on camera!
FYI for me I don't do audio because I'm either sitting at my computer or not. So video is lovely to hear & see you. It's also why I don't do audio on my own posts - part of my work-boundaries ;-) I already spend more than my 'allocated' time investment on writing - fun/ things I love - do that to me ;-)
All of this is true. Self care is now a commercial capitalist movement that actually doesn’t do what it says on the tin. And I utterly hate 99.9% of scented candles. And I don’t get the idea, why and how does spending money on a very expensive piece of wax and setting fire to it mean I’m taking care of myself? Yes we all need to look after our selves as you shouldn’t pour from an empty cup as they say, but many of us do and have to to navigate the world ina way we want. For a simple example, I hate clutter, I don’t always have the energy to tidy and especially hate it when it’s not MY clutter, but I will still do it (or spend the energy finding the owner of the clutter and getting them to come clear it - often a thankless and more energy consuming task) because without it gone I can’t relax, I can’t enjoy my view, I can’t notice, I can’t just ‘be’ because the clutter is causing so much noise in my mind. So it has to get done. I suppose even that is a form of self care, creating the right environment around me.
I most certainly agree about choices. Not everything is a choice, not everyone has access to choices. Like you I didn’t choose to be ill and being ill means I can’t make certain choices. I didn’t choose to not be born into a rich family, not being rich means I don’t have access to expensive scented candles, or spa days, even if I wanted them. I used to love a long soak in a bubble bath but recently I can’t abide being in there long and all my kids are grown and don’t interrupt, not my choice to not like it anymore and I hate showers.
Oh I love this Tamsin - "why and how does spending money on a very expensive piece of wax and setting fire to it mean I’m taking care of myself?" There's fire in those words!
I'm with you on managing your environment. Clutter has been shown to contribute to nervous system dysregulation. My problem is that I also have little time and energy, and live with two very scattered individuals who leave a trail of stuff in their wake. So my current strategy is to put proverbial blinkers on and try to look past the mountains of stuff. That, plus little pockets of calm scattered through the house in the form of drawers or tiny corners that I may have some form of editorial control over.
And good for you on recognising that your ways of replenishing yourself change. If not bubble baths, then maybe poetry?
I am lucky now in that the young kids have grown and are now just messy adults who I can insist they keep their stuff and clutter in their room. My husband is awful in leaving tools just lying around for days after he has used them, often on the sides in the kitchen, or putting boxes of stuff under my seat at the table (why not his?), I’ve started just moving it all to the utility we are lucky enough to have. Out of sight, out of mind. I do remember that phase with my kids though and my bedroom became my sanctuary away from all that clutter and I became an expect in hiding (organising) clutter in pretty boxes. This is one reason why I could never live in an open plan house, I need a sanctuary somewhere and peace and quiet and I can’t do that if everyone is living in the same large, open, echoey space.
When we bought this house I insisted it had a view (a choice we could afford) and though it’s not my favourite view as it has town at one side that’s my go to for replenishment. Watch the view and the ever changing light. That and watching the chickens in the garden.
I enjoy my poetry, and others, but it takes more than it gives more often than not.,
I love my view too Tamsin. It means I can always look beyond the clutter that is a feature of family life here in this particular stage and season. And I'd love some more chickens again. I could watch them for hours!
This a wonderful offering and above all feels warm friendly and manageable ... I really look forward to joining the "growing present" community and all its nourishing offerings 🙏🏻💗.... self care for me has been recently creating "ease" and "a slowing" of a pace that has been go go go for many years... a rest on my bed whilst listening to the birds chirp outside my window feels unproductively productive 💗 before the whirlwind of my twin boys return from school and the "all day" cafe re-opens its doors 😂
Oh Kate, I am so very pleased you will be joining me for Growing Present. Thank you for subscribing. One of the more personal things I'd like to bring is a thread where you can share anything that comes to mind, and if enough folk would like, a live online session. But let's see what's needed. That 'ease' and 'slowing' you are speaking of is all about less rather than more, isn't it? I want to be mindful of not cluttering up inboxes and minds with yet more stuff! Thanks again, it means a lot to have your encouragement and support here ☺️
“Moving to today, and somehow self care has morphed into something we need to do and get right to be optimal humans. It becomes a source of striving and self judgement. It has also become inextricably linked to consumer products and images of perfection”. Absolutely love this. It seems like the rush of modern life mixed with late-stage capitalism has left us depleted in a way that leaves us needing more blank space in our lives, but with our lives being so busy all the time, we don’t quite know how to achieve this thing called “self-care”.
I really enjoyed your take on this Ali! Hope you have a lovely day 💛
Ah Mackenzie, yes, this is the classic double bind of modern life. Simultaneously needing space, but not knowing how to create it for ourselves. That's why I just come back to the basics of being a human animal again and again. I look at my dog and see that she has got 'living in the moment' handled perfectly without an app, podcast, self help book, or scented candle!
100% Ali. Love your video, I've not had time to watch it all but the 2mins I did I think you're offering a very warm welcome and invitation to everyone. As someone whose self-care was 1 hour walk-run-walk in the depths of darkest palliative to end of life care, I can personally attest to the fact that I needed to listen to my whole body, engage in movement even if when my brain didn't want to and eventually my brain craved it too.
I won't be subscribing to your offering due to time & current budget constraints (I'm already over my quota) ;-) But I'm cheering you on. May I ask for a small video for free subscribers now and again? You've a very calming presence, Ali! Best wishes
I really appreciate you cheering me on Victoria ☺️ And glad to hear that my video was warm and inviting. That's certainly the energy I hope to bring. I find it easier to put myself 'out there' on audio, but do feel encouraged to try more on camera!
FYI for me I don't do audio because I'm either sitting at my computer or not. So video is lovely to hear & see you. It's also why I don't do audio on my own posts - part of my work-boundaries ;-) I already spend more than my 'allocated' time investment on writing - fun/ things I love - do that to me ;-)
Makes sense - and makes me realise that 'mixing it up' a bit is helpful for all sorts of reasons!
All of this is true. Self care is now a commercial capitalist movement that actually doesn’t do what it says on the tin. And I utterly hate 99.9% of scented candles. And I don’t get the idea, why and how does spending money on a very expensive piece of wax and setting fire to it mean I’m taking care of myself? Yes we all need to look after our selves as you shouldn’t pour from an empty cup as they say, but many of us do and have to to navigate the world ina way we want. For a simple example, I hate clutter, I don’t always have the energy to tidy and especially hate it when it’s not MY clutter, but I will still do it (or spend the energy finding the owner of the clutter and getting them to come clear it - often a thankless and more energy consuming task) because without it gone I can’t relax, I can’t enjoy my view, I can’t notice, I can’t just ‘be’ because the clutter is causing so much noise in my mind. So it has to get done. I suppose even that is a form of self care, creating the right environment around me.
I most certainly agree about choices. Not everything is a choice, not everyone has access to choices. Like you I didn’t choose to be ill and being ill means I can’t make certain choices. I didn’t choose to not be born into a rich family, not being rich means I don’t have access to expensive scented candles, or spa days, even if I wanted them. I used to love a long soak in a bubble bath but recently I can’t abide being in there long and all my kids are grown and don’t interrupt, not my choice to not like it anymore and I hate showers.
Oh I love this Tamsin - "why and how does spending money on a very expensive piece of wax and setting fire to it mean I’m taking care of myself?" There's fire in those words!
I'm with you on managing your environment. Clutter has been shown to contribute to nervous system dysregulation. My problem is that I also have little time and energy, and live with two very scattered individuals who leave a trail of stuff in their wake. So my current strategy is to put proverbial blinkers on and try to look past the mountains of stuff. That, plus little pockets of calm scattered through the house in the form of drawers or tiny corners that I may have some form of editorial control over.
And good for you on recognising that your ways of replenishing yourself change. If not bubble baths, then maybe poetry?
I am lucky now in that the young kids have grown and are now just messy adults who I can insist they keep their stuff and clutter in their room. My husband is awful in leaving tools just lying around for days after he has used them, often on the sides in the kitchen, or putting boxes of stuff under my seat at the table (why not his?), I’ve started just moving it all to the utility we are lucky enough to have. Out of sight, out of mind. I do remember that phase with my kids though and my bedroom became my sanctuary away from all that clutter and I became an expect in hiding (organising) clutter in pretty boxes. This is one reason why I could never live in an open plan house, I need a sanctuary somewhere and peace and quiet and I can’t do that if everyone is living in the same large, open, echoey space.
When we bought this house I insisted it had a view (a choice we could afford) and though it’s not my favourite view as it has town at one side that’s my go to for replenishment. Watch the view and the ever changing light. That and watching the chickens in the garden.
I enjoy my poetry, and others, but it takes more than it gives more often than not.,
I love my view too Tamsin. It means I can always look beyond the clutter that is a feature of family life here in this particular stage and season. And I'd love some more chickens again. I could watch them for hours!
This a wonderful offering and above all feels warm friendly and manageable ... I really look forward to joining the "growing present" community and all its nourishing offerings 🙏🏻💗.... self care for me has been recently creating "ease" and "a slowing" of a pace that has been go go go for many years... a rest on my bed whilst listening to the birds chirp outside my window feels unproductively productive 💗 before the whirlwind of my twin boys return from school and the "all day" cafe re-opens its doors 😂
Oh Kate, I am so very pleased you will be joining me for Growing Present. Thank you for subscribing. One of the more personal things I'd like to bring is a thread where you can share anything that comes to mind, and if enough folk would like, a live online session. But let's see what's needed. That 'ease' and 'slowing' you are speaking of is all about less rather than more, isn't it? I want to be mindful of not cluttering up inboxes and minds with yet more stuff! Thanks again, it means a lot to have your encouragement and support here ☺️
“Moving to today, and somehow self care has morphed into something we need to do and get right to be optimal humans. It becomes a source of striving and self judgement. It has also become inextricably linked to consumer products and images of perfection”. Absolutely love this. It seems like the rush of modern life mixed with late-stage capitalism has left us depleted in a way that leaves us needing more blank space in our lives, but with our lives being so busy all the time, we don’t quite know how to achieve this thing called “self-care”.
I really enjoyed your take on this Ali! Hope you have a lovely day 💛
Ah Mackenzie, yes, this is the classic double bind of modern life. Simultaneously needing space, but not knowing how to create it for ourselves. That's why I just come back to the basics of being a human animal again and again. I look at my dog and see that she has got 'living in the moment' handled perfectly without an app, podcast, self help book, or scented candle!
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